THE BIBLE FACTORY OUTLET
MAY 21, 2006
I was driving through rural Tennessee, or maybe Virginia, on my way to Mexico today, and I saw a sign advertising the "Bible Factory Outlet" a mere three miles ahead. Now, maybe it was that I had been in the car for way too many hours by myself, or maybe it was that there was simply nothing else to think about while driving down highway 81, but it seems to me that this billboard explains a lot about the current state of our country. Intelligent Design, the War, the Current Administration. Maybe America is basing its religious, and thus political and social, decisions on factory seconds!

I can hear the salesman now.... "Well, ma'am, yes, it is missing a few pages somewhere around Exodus 20, but surely you have the important bits memorized!"

Or maybe the one with missing pages isn't for you..... Perhaps they have some with slight printing errors for only a few dollars more? Say, missing letters or words here and there? Imagine the confusion that could arise from "Thou Shalt Kill" or the even more embarrassing, if somewhat less prosecutable, "Thou Shalt Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife..." (this last bit may explain all the Vasectomy Reversal billboards along the same route.....).

The moral of the story? (Of course there is a moral! We are talking about bibles here!!!) Next time someone starts spouting off about "God speaking to him," or, "the word of God," you might want to make sure he isn't quoting from the discount copy....

For those who are less interested in my political ramblings and bad jokes and more interested in my progress in Road Trip '06, I've made it as far as Nashville, TN, as of 8:30 pm CST tonight. Progress has been slow due to my excessive enjoyment of the company of family and friends en route. Those of you who were there to toast my departure with WAY too many margaritas in New Haven last Monday night may rest assured that those who followed you met the high standard you set (pictures to follow.... Check back soon!). I got a couple of good days in with my sister in Annapolis, met some people, saw some friends, had some good food and drinks (though sadly no baseball... We didn't want to get caught in the rain so we entertained ourselves other ways...).

From there, I went for a couple of ostensibly restful days at Lee's five star B&B (a.k.a. her house...). If ever you want a minimum of 12 hours of sleep, preceded and followed by home-cooked meals, just look Lee up! She'll take care of you in high style (she even asks your pillow preferences and remembers them on all your future visits!!!! I'm so totally in awe! Most days, I can't even remember my own name!). Lee invited a friend of hers up from Williamsburg on Friday night, and there was much revelry and knitting until 3:30 in the morning. (Melanie, feel free to post the link to your blog in a comment here!)

Yes. Knitting. And yes. At 3:30 in the morning.... And it was FUN too!

It was finally time to buckle down this morning, and, at 9 am, I left for the 12 hour, nearly 700 mile drive to Nashville, TN. It was delightfully uneventful (this year I DIDN'T abandon my purse in Asheville, NC....), though 12 hours with nobody to talk to but Gertie (my truck) and gas station attendants does leave one feeling the tiniest bit crazy.

Gertie, incidentally, is a much better conversationalist then the gas station attendants. Not to stereotype, but really, I swear to god, every one of THOSE conversations went like this....

"I need $XXX in gas, please...."

"O.K.... Well, little lady, you aren't from around here, are you? Are you traveling all alone???"

By the end of the day, I desperately wanted to smile sweetly and say, "I'm not little, and my jealous, ax-toting boyfriend is hiding in the toolbox..."

But I didn't.

And so 8:30 pm found me in Nashville, TN, irritated, punchy, exhausted, and checking into a hotel. I got a room, got a key, parked the truck, gathered all my necessaries, and got up to my room to discover that it was completely unmade. I mean REALLY unmade. After 12 hours in the truck, I wasn't feeling fussy, but there weren't even sheets and pillows!!! While the sheets might have been negotiable, the pillows just weren't.

So I picked up all my bags and got back in the elevator, where I ran in to one of the hotel employees. He looked at all my crud, looked at my face, and said, "So, they give you a room that wasn't ready, too????"

I said, "Too?"

He said, "Uhm, yeah, you aren't the first today...."

So then I was in a really, REALLY good mood. I went to the front desk, and explained, maybe not so patiently, the situation to the guy working there. He managed to make himself look very flustered and upset while apologizing profusely and searched the computer for a room that was both available and fully outfitted. As he stuttered and stammered his way through his fourth apology, I said, "You know, last year, I was traveling across country. I checked into a hotel in Mississippi, got some dinner, and crawled into bed to get some sleep. Sometime after I fell asleep, the hotel went ahead and rented my room out to someone else who, in the middle of the night, attempted to join me!"

He looked at me, his face went white, his entire, dreamed-of career in hotel management flashed before his eyes....

And I grinned and said, "See, so it could be a hell of a lot worse!"

And we laughed while he found me an extra nice room and took $20 off the bill for the trouble.

And now the king size bed is calling me, so off to bed! Tomorrow, I drive another long bit to Lucy and Guido's in Dallas. I'll try and write more just before I cross the border, so look for me on Wednesday night or later! Maybe I'll get around to putting some pictures up, too!

Hugs to all,
Elizabeth